Interview with Dave, a Deceased Person in the Warehouse of the Dead. Dave arrived there in the summer of 2006.


Dave: It came as a shock, letmetellya! There I was driving along the Interstate out of Miami and – BAM! – out of the blue there’s this hurricane overtaking me on the inside and, next thing I know, the car’s turned over and my brain’s dripping all over the steering wheel.


 


INT: Sorry to hear that Dave.

Dave: Yeah, well it could’ve happened to anyone I suppose, I learned you gotta be philosophical in this life, er, I mean death.

INT: So, what’s it like being dead? Our site visitors would like to know.

Dave: It’s cold. I can never get warm anymore, even if I run around. Look, I’m turning blue. You’d think they’d have a fire, big place like this. They gotta have a fire, right? It’s Health & Safety minimum. I’m a deceased person. I got rights!

INT: So what do you do in your spare time?

Dave: Spare time. Boy! Have I got spare time! Mostly, I dream about pizza. Ham and Olives. Cheese and Pepperoni. Especially Cheese and Pepperoni.

INT: If I’d known, Dave, I would have brought you some.

Dave: Thanks, pal. But there wouldn’t be no point. My teeth are dropping out. Every day, a new one. Here, look, in my mouth. How am I supposed to chew? I'm all gums.

INT: Yuk! Dave: Exactly. Being dead don’t do a lot for your physical appearance, letmetellya.

INT: No, you don’t look very well, if I may say so.

Dave: Affirmatory. I lost a lot of weight since I passed on. I used to be a real ladykiller when I was alive. A handsome man.

INT: I can see how you would be.

Dave: Yeah, I was a high roller with the babes. Now ... well, there ain’t no hoochie-hoochie when you’re dead.

INT: I suppose not. I’m very sorry.

Dave: Sex and pizza, that’s what I miss most. Though, in order of preference, I put pizza first. But …

INT: What?

Dave: Well, there is one dame … she ain’t bad looking. For a corpse.

INT: Good luck. Dave: Thanks. Hey, can we wrap this up now? I gotta go lie down. I’m dead on my feet.

INT: Sure. Nice talking to you, Dave.

Dave: Likewise.