Maelstrom, arch-villain of The Maelstrom Mission, is a Rogue Element. And not just any Rogue Element. He is the Big Cheese of Rogue Elements. The Rock God of Rogue Elements. The Prime Minister of Rogue Elements. The King. The Dude. The X-Factor Winner of Rogue Elements.

He plans to take over the planet, already weakened by Global Warming and mankind’s failure to do anything about it, and turn it into a chaotic lifeless rock inhabited only by Ozzie Ozzbourne fans like himself. To do this, he will use all of the weapons at his disposal, including Super Hurricanes, Volcanos and plagues of Mud Bugs.

In his elemental form, Maelstrom stands at over 15 feet tall. He isn’t particularly pretty. His head is one half bare skull and one half rotting flesh. The skull half is yellow and cracked, as skulls tend to be. His long, lank hair hangs down to his waist and has the consistency of rope and crawled with maggots. Big ones. Really, it's in need of a good conditioner.

But for daily business, he always makes a point of transforming himself into a more acceptable human shape. He likes to dress neatly in a black blazer, grey slacks, slip-on black patent shoes with a gold buckle and a navy-blue Brooks Brothers shirt with a striped tie, like a Mafia boss from the 70’s. He never wears anything that is white, not even a vest. He hates white. White is the colour those Greek Wind Warriors make their girly tunics out of.





Maelstrom has been running the Warehouse of the Dead since approximately the beginning of whenever it was in the history of the Earth that people started dying - which was a long time ago. His cramped glass-walled office is located on a gantry high above the main floor of the Warehouse, from where he gets a good view of the daily hustle and bustle and keeps an eye on the Warehouse’s troublesome workforce – the Stupid Morons.

Of an afternoon, Maelstrom likes amusing himself with the Stupid Moron Joke. This is very childish. It consists of calling a Stupid Moron into his office, sitting it down at his desk and giving it an A-Level Maths exam paper to do. Which of course is impossible for any Stupid Moron. Then he’ll look sneeringly at the results and give the Stupid Moron a good kicking.

Now, is that BAD. Or is that B-A-D?