Who would you like to save the planet?

Superman? The Fantastic Four? Al Gore?

How about –

Freddie McBain – a keen skateboarder who keeps falling off his skateboard. Hardly your typical heroic type then …

Sirocco – a wind. A wind? Hold on, winds can’t do much apart from blow about the place, can they? Especially Sirocco, who’s been flying around the planet for centuries and is a bit past it, to be honest.

Boreas – an Ancient Greek Wind Warrior who likes wearing flimsy skirts and has a very embarassing man-secret that we won’t go into here.

Lips – half-boy, half-goat, all rock-star. Plays Fender Pan Pipes rigged to Marshall stacks, a la his all-time hero, Jimi Hendrix.

Zodiac – As Bowie said: ‘There’s a Starman waiting in the sky, he’d like to come and meet us, but he thinks he’d blow our minds.’ - and his name is Zodiac and he’s a bit of a flash geezer.

Eden – a woman, or a lily, or a geranium, depending on her mood  … Eden can never make up her mind. Typical woman. Typical Plant Woman, that is …anyway, she definitely grows on you.

So, that’s it, the goodies in The Maelstrom Mission. This weird bunch are all that stands between Maelstrom and the end of the planet

Oh, c’mon, you’ve got to be joking, right?

Er, nope.